


Firefly

by weirdlyabnormal



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Growing Up, Kid Fic, M/M, Soulmarks, Soulmates, Tarsus IV, Young, academy au, off-screen implied child abuse, off-screen implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdlyabnormal/pseuds/weirdlyabnormal
Summary: In a universe where soulmates are matched with the use of databases and microchips, many are left to wonder if the process can be trusted.Can polar opposites like James Kirk and his disorganised, colourful life really be perfect for logical, stoic vucans like Spock?





	1. spark

ABOUT US  
Due to advancements in human technology throughout the 22nd century it has now become possible for human beings to find their perfectly compatible Soulmate™. Administered in a series of injections, technology inside the humans blood stream is used to monitor and map the psychological reactions and hormonal levels of the individual human, and then, using the Soulmate Database™, is able to find another being who is compatible.  


WHO DOES THE TECHNOLOGY WORK FOR?  
Several decades ago the technology was adapted to be used effectively in other federation species. Vulcans, admiring the logic behind finding a perfectly compatible partner, made it compulsory to undergo the Soulmate™ technology injections. Other species, like Orions have also made the Soulmate™ technology compulsory, and recent advancements have even allowed the chips to be administered to Gorns and other non-humanoid species, although the Soulmate™ database only partners humanoids with other humanoids, and non-humanoids with non-humanoids.

HOW DOES IT WORK?  
The first injection (administered aged 1-2) implants a small chip into the wearers arm that monitors them. At this age, no physical side effects are present, and the chip uses the several years of monitoring of the brain and hormonal activity to match them with another in the database.  
The second injection (administered aged 7-8) creates the most physically obvious sign of the Soulmate™ technology, acting like a 21st Century mood rings to allow each side of the partnership to see the emotional state of their mate. Colours appear on the arm relating to their partner’s emotions, and have been likened in appearance to bruises or watercolour paint smudges that move and glow in relation to the intensity of the emotion, and the personality of the mate.  
The final injection is given at the onset of puberty (11-12) and gives the chips the ability to glow in relation to how close the two Soulmates™ are, and to flash with sharp intensity when the two Soulmates™ first touch.  
No data (including location and psychological makeup) is passed onto third parties, but can and will be shared with major crime-fighting agencies and Starfleet, only to be accessed in the event of criminal activity and a warrant.  
Data may be purchased about your mate if you are over 18. A name is produced for the price of 3 million credits, and a location for 10 million credits. Under specific and desperate circumstances, for example the receiving of a terminal illness diagnosis, an independent jury may decide to reveal your Soulmates™ personal information in the hopes of allowing the Soulmates™ to meet.

PERCENTAGES AND STATISTICS  
97.8% of all humans possess Soulmate™ technology, and 99.2% of all under 18s.  
Soulmate™ matches have a success rate of 96.4% (defined by marriage, or another recognised long term, healthy relationship)  
92% of Soulmates™ meet within their lifetimes.  


COLOUR MEANINGS  
The colours produced by the chips correlate to chemical levels within the blood stream. Multiple emotions may be expressed at once, with varying degrees of intensity.  
Happiness- Yellow (high levels of dopamine)  
Sadness- Blue (low levels of serotonin)  
Confusion/curiosity- Orange  
Anger- Red (high adrenaline levels)  
Love/affection- Pink (high dopamine and serotonin levels)  
Lust- Purple (high oestrogen/testosterone levels)  
Fear- Green (high levels of testosterone and adrenaline)  
Jealousy- Black  
Panic/anxiety- White (high levels of adrenaline)  
Boredom- Grey

\---

Jim Kirk was 7 when his soulmark showed up.

He was playing with Analima, a small Orion girl he had been married to for approximately 4 days. So far married life had meant a lot of sharing his animal crackers, playing house, and doodling soulmarks on each other's arms. She was much faster than him- always beating him in races- but he was much better at handstands and cartwheels: making them a perfect match.

But, although they were definitely the power couple of their grade, he was bored. Married life meant that instead of playing at being a space captain with his normal friends at lunch time he had to pretend to be a dad to Analima’s friends when they played house, and that he had to share all his favourite food.

It was exhausting.

And so, when his actual soul mark began to glow on his arm he was perfectly happy to get a nice, speedy divorce with Analima. 

The soul mark was currently a series of perfectly circular yellow and orange dots, which were spinning quickly together like a troop of synchronised swimmers inside his elbow.

He and Analima spent the rest of lunch imagining what his soulmate was going to be like. Was it a girl? Or a boy? Before his recent marriage to Analima he had been the boyfriend of Toby, and before that he had had a major crush on their first grade teacher Mr. Johnson.

They decided that his soulmate was definitely happy. The dots were bright yellow- the colour most normally associated with happiness- and they were still moving fast in their small circle.

Jim thought that the perfect circles seemed… futuristic. Maybe his future partner was intelligent? He had rarely seen any marks with such pure symmetry. 

His mom's soulmark was still ever since his dad had died, but you could see the large paint-stroke of pink showing love, with small splatterings of green and blue for fear and sadness. The paint stroke had shown his father’s versatility- the strokes got larger and larger the more intense he felt and quickly showed how his emotions all jumbled up into one big painting. 

At least, that's what his mom told him.

The orange and yellow spots on his arm, in contrast, were completely separate. Maybe his soulmate always had many separate emotions at once?

Jim happily sipped his juice box as he showed everyone his arm, legs swinging under the blue plastic picnic table in the yard. When he told their teacher, Miss Stevens, she gave him a couple extra stickers for his star chart and let him choose the book for them to read in afternoon wind-down time.

Life was looking pretty sweet for Jim Kirk.

\---

Spock was in the learning pod when his arm began to glow through his dark black robe. Quickly, he rolled up his sleeve in curiosity to see the marks. 

He was immediately struck by the grand and beautiful landscape of colour dancing up his forearm. The main colour was a mustard yellow, which Spock recalled as connoting happiness, but there were moving splashes of pink and orange swirling happily around his arm.

He had never seen a soulmark so messy, so unorganised. Even the mark his father had from his mother was not so vibrantly explosive with all her human emotions.

One thing was evidently clear- whoever his soulmate was did not have control over his emotive states, and so, logically, it was a small leap to assume they were not vulcan. 

Most vulcans soulmarks were clear and orderly. Often they included symmetrical polygon shapes, and it was very rare to see multiple strong emotions shown at once. The polygons normally were pale and stationary, which was the complete opposite of the bright, spinning colours moving around his arm.

Slowly rolling his sleeve back down he carried on his daily tasks within the learning pod, and when he was finished he started his walk back home, where he knew his mother would be waiting with his dinner before taking him out to his weekly xenolinguistics lesson at the VSA. 

When at home, he immediately rolled his sleeve up to show his mother the colours on his arms. As he watched her smile and laugh with excitement he felt his own happiness swirling up into his chest. He imagined what his soulmate would be seeing now. Would the mark have shapes, like most vulcans? He assumed his half-human status would leave the colours more vibrant and mobile than other full vulcan marks, and so he pictured yellow (he was happy after all) squares, or triangles, shifting around someone's arm.

Spock took a moment to wonder what his mate would look like. It was illogical to base his compatibility with someone based on aesthetic appearances, but it was okay, he reasoned, to wonder to which humanoid species he had been matched too. 

They clearly were not vulcan, and so the only other two humanoid species that majorly participated in the soulmate technology were orions and humans. Spock found it hard to imagine a future with someone who was either, but placed his trust in the technology, and soon found his happy emotions slipping out into a smile.

He had been so worried that his hybrid nature would somehow alter his ability to find a mate, but now he had been proved wrong. Spock had a soulmate!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first Spirk fic, and although I have limited time to work on it I'm pretty excited about it. I have a vague plan for the future (will become angsty I'm thinking)
> 
> Feel free to leave me a comment! <3 Fran


	2. flicker

WHAT ARE INK STAINS AND PERMANENT SOULMARKS?  
‘Staining’ is a phenomenon found in certain Soulmate™ partners by which a certain emotion of exceptional strength creates a permanent mark on the other Soulmates™ arm. It is relatively rare, and found in less than 9% of matches, but 87% of cross-species pairs. This is thought to be due to the relative difference between emotional states of different species, especially with Vulcan to Human mates (which make up approximately 0.02% of all matches, and have over 99% likelihood of staining.) In popular culture, staining marks are commonly referred to as ‘ink stains’ or ‘ink blots’.  
The only other occasion where a mark becomes permanent is at death. Whatever the Soulmate’s™ marks looked like at death immediately becomes stationary and unchangeable from the moment where the heart stops beating, again a feature that is commonly found in popular culture.

CAN PERMANENT SOULMARKS BE REMOVED?  
Many of our Soulmate™ scientists have been researching the possibilities of removing Soulmate™ mark after death. So far, some small breakthroughs have discovered ways to make the colours fade, but not disappear completely.  
Some people in the past have gone to the extreme of trying to remove the skin, but much like a tattoo the colours reappear when the skin regrows. The makers of Soulmate™ technology strongly discourage any actions similar to this, and are not legally responsible for any harm caused by individuals attempting to remove Soulmarks™.

FURTHER CASE STUDIES.  
Common correlations are the appearance of pink and yellow ‘ink stains’ after the first meeting of Soulmates™, or after the birth of a child but sometimes the ‘ink stains’ are less positive.

MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE TARSUS IV MASSACRE AND SOULMARK WEAPONRY.  
Due to the chemical based warfare used by Kodos to massacre half of the young population on Kodos, he was able to manipulate the Soulmarks™ of those who were killed to continue moving after death, often swirling viciously blue, green, and red. In relation to this, the soulmates of those who died were left with painful, ‘glitching’ marks due to the technology being disrupted and attacked by the chemicals Kodos used. The chemicals caused extreme pain to both the victim and their Soulmate™, and killed the victim instantly if inhaled. Kodos had purposely developed this form of weaponry due to its ability to hurt both the victim and their Soulmate™, giving them further incentive to stay on Kodos’s good side in order to protect their partner.  
The population on Tarsus IV were largely under eighteens who had been selected for the Starfleet gifted and talented agriculture and economics program, and the family members they had brought with them. Approximately four thousand officially died as a direct response of Kodos’s chemical weaponry, and what has been estimated at a further three thousand at the resultant famine. Many of the thousand survivors were somewhat affected by the chemical weaponry, leading to Soulmarks™ that were partially ‘glitched’ in the sections where the chemicals contacted it, and a feeling of extreme pain when certain emotions are felt, most commonly the strongest emotion being felt at the time (in all cases this is either anger or fear.)  
The Soulmate™ company has spent billions in research to try and find cures to the effects of this chemical attack, and to prevent further attacks like this in the future. However, recent investigations have uncovered information that reveal that Kodos passed on the blueprints of the chemicals used to several malicious undercover terrorist cells, and the Soulmate™ company has in return received multiple government grants to further this research into preventing the effects of this malware. 

 

\-----

 

For three months Jim had been receiving exclusive off-planet tuition in Tarsus IV. 

The boy had won his scholarship in the gifted and talented program for designing a water filtering system that only used an individual's sweat and a mineral commonly found in the stones of Norwegian fjords, and was inexpensive and practical enough to be rolled out cross-galaxy in some of Starfleet's more isolated ships.

His mother had been very proud, and threw him a mini party from wherever it was in the galaxy she was currently stationed.

Together, over their cross-planetary-systems video link, they ate cake (Jim going for a KrazyMart own-brand cupcake and his mother a dehydrated ice-cream cake, but same difference) and talked about his increasingly bright future.

Tarsus IV was going to be a great opportunity for him. He was already three years ahead in normal earth school, and as a result had largely failed to make a lot of friends (who wants to hang out with a little kid?), but was sure Tarsus was going to be a brand new start.

Another great thing about going cross-planet would be leaving Frank, at least for the nine months the gifted and talented course ran. He had been a good dad for a few years when Jim was a young child (and therefore cute and easy to control) but now he was a ten year old with an IQ that far outstripped Frank’s, and the distance between them was growing daily. It was ridiculous of a stepfather to feel intellectually inferior to his girlfriend’s ten year old kid, but then again, Frank was a ridiculous man.

He had begun emotionally abusing Jim when he was eight (when he was moved up two grades), removing meals from him when he was nine (when he won the under-11’s regional mixed martial arts competition), and physically beating him when he was ten (when he got accepted into the most exclusive high-school in the state).

Finally, Jim thought, he could escape. Maybe in the nine months he was away Frank would get bored and decide to leave the Riverside farm once and for all.

Well, a boy could dream.

A dream was far from what Tarsus had become. He had been one of the four thousand Kodos had graciously let live, dividing the colony exactly in half by intelligence and killing off all those in the lesser section along with their families.

He was also among the thousand Kodos had allowed within the inner city gates, and then among the one hundred children allowed to live within the palace.

In fact, he was among the ten Kodos was personally tutoring.

And what could he do? At any moment the governor could release the soulmate gas onto anyone he liked, and everyone within the palace was required to wear a collar-like mechanism which contained just enough gas to kill them.

Kodos held the remote for every collar, and a concentrated liquid named ‘ultra’ he could rub into your soulmark to make both you and your partner suffer.

Jim had seen it in action. Thomas Leighton and his soulmate, Melina Hendrick, were frequently punished to create fear in the rest of the children. Just a drop of the serum could lead to the both of them writhing and clutching their arms for an hour, and it was hard for anyone to imagine how terrible it would be to be the cause of that.

Jim was the only one of the ten who had been exposed to the liquid. He had always been too bold- something that usually got him praise from Kodos- but this time he had pushed to hard.

He had asked about the food rations- or more specifically if Jim could give half of his rations to Kevin Riley, a sickly child in the top one hundred. 

The people at the top of their little society within the palace were given three full meals a day- the people at the top being Kodos, his wife, and his security team. Next, the palace staff were given three half meals a day, and the ten top students (including Jim) were given two half meals a day.

The 90 other children in Kodos’s palace were given one half meal a day.

Jim could only imagine how little those outside the palace gates were able to scrape for themselves- and considering how hungry and emancipated he had become on two half meals a day the boy was incredibly uneasy at the thought of how starved those outside must be.

Poor Kevin Riley had been coughing up blood for months now, but he had kept working in Kodos’s mathematical team to protect himself and his soulmate from Ultra.

His eyes were sinking, his ribs jarringly bold against his skin, and he was often seen exhaustively working over whatever problem the maths team had been ordered to solve (often a matter of rationing).

It was clear to everyone who saw him- he would be dead in weeks.

And so Jim had done it.

He’d asked Kodos to give half of Jim’s rations to Kevin.

And in return he won half a litre of Ultra serum to be applied to his forearm over the course of a month. He was held down daily, in Kodos’s chambers, as the chemical was dripped over his soulmark. Forced to watch as his mark changed and sizzled beneath him.

It wasn’t the only degradation he was subjected to in those chambers- but he could live with Kodos’s wandering hands and lips, he could shut himself off and down, and force himself to pretend it wasn’t happening. He would live with that private pain for years, suffer through its effects. But this- this was pain for his soulmate. Someone who was innocent, had done nothing, and yet was forced to endure the same punishment as Jim.

Through his withering he could see the swirling circles turn navy for pain, red for anger, and green for fear. 

The anger hurt him most of all. What if his soulmate was angry at Jim?

He wouldn’t blame him. He had see through Thomas and Melina just how excruciating Ultra could be to both of the soulmates, and the person on the other side of Jim’s bond wouldn’t even know what was going on. 

His soulmate must be so angry to have been given someone like Jim.

 

\-----

 

Spock had been in an astrophysics exam when the pain started. 

It started as a slight burning on his forearm, which gradually built into a stabbing-like sensation. He soon became aware of the shaking coming over his body, when a particularly sharp pain overtook him.

He gasped, and darkness faded his vision as he felt himself hit the floor of the learning pod.

When he awoke he was in a small private room in the local healers, his Soulmark arm raised and exposed for all to see. In Vulcan culture it was considered incredibly taboo to reveal your mark to those who were not in your immediate family, and so Spock moved to roll his tunic sleeve down when he saw it.

In his mark (amongst the usual swirling mess) was the image of a man, tall and broad and oozing green and red, shaking across Spock’s skin. The green fear laced up his arm and slivered against the patterns of his veins.

It was rare for actual images to form in marks, but not unheard of. It took intense emotions to push through, and incredible mental abilities to learn how to do it, but to some it appeared to just come naturally.

Over the past few months Spock had seen his soulmark change from a slowly circling spiral of yellows and oranges to rapid greens, blues and reds. Occasionally, he would see a small rainbow of greens pulsing around his forearm for hours on end and wonder what on earth could be causing this.

His soulmate was clearly terrified, and this figure was at the centre of it. Spock felt his own rage begin to rear its head. How dare someone cause his soulmate this much fear? 

This much pain?

Another wave of hurt coursed through his arm, causing him to groan and alert the healer outside the room.

Whoever had done this would pay, Spock vowed, and would vow until he learnt the true extent of what Kodos had done.

And then nothing, nothing would be enough to pay back the damage he had caused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! sorry that update took so long :((( I was away on my gold DofE for a few weeks. 
> 
> thanks for reading xx


	3. gleam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of world building for you lads... who am i kidding this is shameless filler that fulfills my love of bamf T'pring

ELITISM AND SOULMARKS  
\----------------------  
An essay by T’Pring, accomplished Vulcan scientist. She scored the highest VSA test scores in Biochemistry and the study of Human Sociology for 72 years, and has been acclaimed by many accomplished members of the scientific community. For the past 10 years she has been working alongside the Soulmate™ Company studying the effect of the Soulmarks™ on human society, specifically the difference between the richer and poorer communities. 

 

Throughout the last generation the divide between rich and poor has seemed to dwindle within human society.

By all accounts, universal healthcare and exponential improvement in the education system has provided more and more opportunities for all to succeed- shown perfectly by the United States recent election of our fifth black-female president. 

Just a couple hundred years ago the election of a black female president (a demographic which used to be dramatically under represented in both politics and the top 1% of wealth) would have caused excitement beyond belief, as well as anger from many backward thinking communities.

Now it seems commonplace, normal within all but a few small sub-cultures. The focus with President Redgrave is on her dramatic and forward-thinking policies regarding inter-planetary relations, rather than her race or gender.

The fact that her Soulmate™ is a woman, again, provided little friction in the polls.

I wonder if people had been made aware of how they had met they would have thought differently. President Redgrave’s soulmate, First Lady Alicia Michaels, payed 13 billion credits to the Soulmate™ Company in order to locate and name her now-wife.

Since the Soulmate™ company was instructed to provide the Soulmark™ technology free of charge to all citizens of Earth, and at only the cost of transportation for Orions and Vulcans, they have had to turn to alternative means to fund their research. The prices- 3 billion credits for a name and 10 billion for a location- are nothing to the richest in society. Alicia Michaels (who’s parents own half the shares in a lucrative hover technology company) and her other billionaire friends find it easy to shell out their parents credits in order to kick start their fairy-tale love stories.

Is it really surprising then that (according to my extensive research) 99.6% of all the wealthiest top 10% in the United Federation find their Soulmates™ within their lifetime, compared to 57.1% of the poorest 10% in our Federation?

This is due to many factors, of course, not just the ability to buy the information about your partner, but this surely contributes to the huge gap between the the top 10% in our society and the bottom 10%. Further factors include the limited mobility of those in the lower wealth brackets since still, even after billions have been spent in America to improve life chances for the poorest in society, there are individuals and families that are unable to keep up and compete in this advancing universe. 

Say you are a teenage boy living in a small town. Your family is supported by the government, since you have no father and your mother is unable to find substantial work to sustain herself and her children. You performed averagely at school, not quite good enough to get into Starfleet, but enough to work in commercial space travel, and, using a government grant, you are able to go to college to study to become a mechanic for AeroCore- the world's biggest space-tourist company. Through hard work you are able to work your way up and into a level of wealth and status previously unimaginable to you. While you work you manage to find your Soulmate™ by running into them on a ship you are doing routine repairs on, and it feels like fate that you were given the opportunity to work your way to a place where you could find them.

This is how it should be. The government's support should provide everyone, despite their upbringing, the ability to succeed.

In reality, in the lower-status families I have been able to interview for my research I have witnessed that the government support often is too little to facilitate stories like the one above.

The boy is not given enough money to thrive at college and has to work two extra jobs to provide for himself, which therefore affects his grades, or the government money is not enough to support both him and his family so his early schoolwork suffers, or AeroCore promotes his better connected work associate with friends up-top over him. He doesn’t get the dumb luck to find his partner, and he never will.

Compare that to the rich billionaire’s daughter who’s father shells out a small fraction of his shares in his most profitable investment to provide his darling sweetheart with a lifetime of happiness.

Even if they decide not to shell out the fee to the Soulmate™ company, a rich daughter has a much higher chance of achieving space travel. Private tutors to help her get into Starfleet, a few good recommendations from her Father's influential friends; it’s practically inevitable.

It doesn't help matters that having a Soulmate™ is shown through the media to be the very image of perfection, of being a complete humanoid. This leaves those who are unable to find their soulmates- overwhelmingly the least wealthy in society- feeling incomplete and unhappy, and somewhat lesser than those in society who have found their soulmates- overwhelmingly the rich. This cements the differences in society the government has pushed so hard to reduce.

So what should we do? I’m sure there are many among you who believe it is the right of the wealthiest who have made their fortunes to spend it how they like, and I agree.

And so, I believe that if the Soulmate™ company insists on providing the ability to purchase these details, the prices to locate or name a person's soulmate should be lowered, or should be tailored specifically to the buyer to allow this process to become less selective.

Less elite, and more fair, for everyone.

Sign the petition here: www.elitesoulmate/user-tpring.uf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically the world is wack and T'pring is a one woman army ready to bloody END anyone in her path
> 
> Also- actual plot chapter probably coming soon dont hold your breath sorry lads im quite busy rn
> 
>  
> 
> btw im not american (im english) so just clearing it up now- if i get any slang or words wrong blame it on the shitty american TV shows i used to binge on pop girl as a ten year old coolio


	4. glare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Long time no see ...

**THE FEDERATION FAILED THE CHILDREN OF TARSUS IV.**  
By Maija T. Shajian, an Orion with a double Ph.D. in human and Orion Social Sciences.

As I’m sure you’re aware, the fifteenth year anniversary of Tarsus IV massacre is coming up this weekend.   
Memorial services have been set up throughout the Federation, and every major humanoid settlement has agreed to hold a two-minute silence, something that is as remarkable as it is unique.

But it’s not just a time to marvel at the unity of the Federation- even if that is the spin Starfleet is trying to create. The real thing we should focus on this weekend is how Starfleet failed the children of the colony.

This seems almost blasphemous, traitorous. How dare I suggest that the beloved Starfleet isn’t perfect? How could anyone have changed the course of a massacre?

Well, in research done by historical experts, it has been discovered that a child called the distress signal for Tarsus IV two whole weeks before any positive reaction was taken by the admirals of Starfleet.

Two weeks.

I don’t need to explain the weight of this, how many children could have been saved from those terrible scenes of starvation we all saw fifteen years ago on the Federation News Network (FNN).

This isn’t the only way the children were failed by Starfleet.

Many were shocked when Captain James Tiberius Kirk recently revealed he was on Tarsus IV as a young teenager and has lived with the effect of it for years.

Speaking in a court case against the recently found and apprehended Kodos the executioner, James talked about his experiences with the man, and with his now infamous chemical weapon ‘Ultra’. James revealed how he and his soulmate (whose identity has been kept out of his public life) suffer from chronic pain caused by the chemical whenever he feels certain emotions. He even revealed that he was abused by Kodos himself (who received life imprisonment in a high-security private compound in the prison colony of Aliugaa) although the specific details were kept completely private from the press.

He also went on record talking about the awful conditions on the Starfleet ships sent to rescue them, and how more children were allowed to die in the aftermath by poorly trained medical staff and limited rations.

Furthermore, not enough money was set aside for the victims, leaving many like James T. Kirk without therapy and living in underfunded orphanages. His story is one of struggling to succeed despite many challenges, dealing with the effects of starvation and trauma while growing up in social care in a rough neighbourhood. He worked three jobs to pay for his accommodation and the textbooks needed for Starfleet.

Jim Kirk had to work five times harder than the next cadet to progress- which is in part what makes his rise to captaincy so remarkable.

But it shouldn’t have been that way. Starfleet should have been under legal- or at the very least moral- obligation to provide support and services like therapy to the massacre survivors. For every James T Kirk, there are ten who were unable to succeed, unable to move past their traumas.

As of three years ago, the law changed to state that Starfleet in the event of a traumatic event for which they are partially responsible for must provide responsible compensation to all victims.

But what does this mean? Would teenage James Kirk be given a therapist? Or put in a good orphanage? It seems almost like an empty promise, and easily manipulated to their needs.

I’m afraid it’s too late to change the past. But maybe it’s not too late to change the future; to change the results of the next unavoidable tragedy.

 

* * *

 

Jim was on Earth. Actual, real life Earth! With crops that weren’t dying, and animals, and boring stupid politics that wasn’t about who to feed and who to let die.

He was so elated he didn’t even care that he was being put into a social home (especially since many of the children he had tried to care for on Tarsus were also joining him).

Frank had been arrested in the time Jim was off planet, and was currently serving six years for assaulting a barman- and his mother had finally broken it off with him. However, she was only two years through her six year mission. They talked often over the holographic computer of his social home, Jim often using up all his weekly hologram hours on her. After Tarsus he was just happy to have a mother when so many of his friends had lost theirs.

It was weird to feel happy. He felt guilty, sometimes, when he thought about the children who hadn’t made it off Tarsus- hadn’t made it back home. As bad as it sounds, he tried not to think about it too much.

He was home, he was safe, and he was going to be okay.

James hoped his soulmate had forgiven him for the pain. He, like most of the Tarsus children, still felt the effects of Ultra on their marks, but it was duller, and only occasionally would flare up for a few seconds of sharp pain. It was nowhere near as bad as it had been before, and he hoped it was the same for his mate.

His soulmate mark had also been glowing recently, sometimes for hours on end. Certain words had started appearing too- t'hy'la being almost permanently tattooed across his forearm in glowing yellow swirling fonts. This showed his soulmate was vulcan- or at least fluent in the vulcan language and customs. Every time his arm glowed or the word appeared he felt a warming presence twirl up into him, and almost always involuntarily blushed.

He shared a small corner room with Kevin and Thomas now; the double bunk-beds and the most aggressively blue furnishings he had ever seen had become their little haven. Some of the donations from Tarsus charity fundraisers had given them a few years worth of hologram credits, and a small allowance that was supposed to help them through to the end of high school. It wasn’t much, but it was something, and if Jim had learnt anything in the last year it was to be grateful for what he was given.

 

* * *

 

 

It had become evident that his soulmate had been on Tarsus IV. The timing of the reappearing yellow gleam was the same day that the children were removed from the planet, and the stained green of Spock’s veins was a pattern similar to the reported effects of the ‘Ultra’ chemical.

It was despicable to think that his soulmate could have been among those tortured children. Even the other Vulcans in his class who often reveled in humiliating Spock offered their tokens of respect when the professor informed them of why he was experiencing fainting fits.

He was feeling much less pain now, only very occasionally at night.

His family had appealed to the Soulmates company independent board as to whether Spock may find the information about his soulmate, due to the special circumstances, but they had refused. Even with his Vulcan emotional control that had been a stab in the gut. Somewhere his soulmate was suffering, probably on their own, and he could do nothing to help.

At least it had cleared up the fact that his soulmate was from Earth. That was a small silver lining for a big negative. It was also proved by how disappointingly dull the light in his arm shined; Earth was multiple light years away after all.

He had never felt so helplessly lonely, and his meditation was getting harder daily. His father was getting less and less patient for him, and his more readily distracted mind.

In other Vulcan soulmate bonds it had occasionally been possible to psychically reach out and find their partners. In the vein of this he had been spending much of his free time seeking after his partner, or at the very least attempting to send images and words through his mark. It was time consuming, and he had no way to know if his mate was actually receiving anything, but it was illogically comforting to think that maybe- just maybe- he could be helping his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Um... sorry for the wait lads... I'm having a super stressful time atm pls forgive me   
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> See you again (hopefully in the next millennia but honestly who knows)  
> Fran xx


	5. gloss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler? What filler?

Dear Cadet S'chn T'gai Spock,

My name is Christopher Pike and I am writing this letter to extend my congratulations on your acceptance into Starfleet Academy.

It is not the usual procedure to directly contact cadets before they reach campus, but I was compelled to welcome you especially; after all, you are the first Vulcan ever accepted. I also wished to give you details of the cadet who has volunteered to assist you to become adjusted to the Starfleet community. She is very intelligent, and is fluent in Vulcan and has studied your culture and customs.

Her name is Cadet Nyota Uhura, and her pad address is uhura@starfleetstudent.fd.acd

I hope you find her assistance useful.

You have been assigned a single room so you may create more comfortable living conditions, and will have enough space to properly meditate. However, you will be in a corridor with other cadets in double rooms. A couple of the cadets have also expressed an interest in helping you to settle in, and I will see to it that you are introduced to them.

Each room comes with a standard replicator, and there is one block of shared toilets and showers down every corridor. There is a group dining area in every block, and a small library/common room.

You have been enrolled in the science and general course, with electives in leadership and anthropology. This is ambitious for a first year, but due to exemplary reports from your previous professors, it has become clear that this is perfectly within your skills.

Your shuttlecraft will be arriving next month, and you will travel to earth on the USS Diligence, our newest ship that luckily happened to be in your area. The travel will take approximately two weeks, and will hopefully allow you to get some initial experience with the customs within Starfleet. You have been allocated 350kg of personal belongings for travel, and after arriving on the ship you will be issued a uniform consisting of:

2x Standard issue cadet shirts

1x Dress cadet shirt

2x Standard issue cadet trousers 

1x Standard issue belt

1x Standard issue pair of boots.

If you have any preferences on whether you wish your dress clothes to be Vulcan in nature or standard issue earth dress clothes, please do not hesitate to ask.

Additionally, contact me with any issues or concerns you may have.

Yours,

C.Pike.

(Head of Cadet relations, former Captain of USS Enterprise)

* * *

  
  
  


Dear James Tiberius Kirk,

My name is Christopher Pike and I am writing to congratulate you on winning the Han Bo scholarship. Your results were incredible- scoring 10 whole marks above the next candidate below you.

This scholarship entitles you to free tuition for four years, or eight if you decide to undertake the leadership elective and work to become a captain. It also pays for half your accommodation fees. However it does not pay for: replicator use (charge is three credits per meal), your books/textbooks, or use of any Starfleet owned holographic communication device (charge is one credit per minute).

You will be sharing a double room in the Franklin block with Dr. L. McCoy, a first-year medical cadet.

His pad address is  [ Mccoy@starfleet.fd ](mailto:Mccoy@starfleet.fd) .acd

You are to be issued a standard uniform for free, and a Starfleet standard pad. We hope this is enough to help you in your studies, and due to your nature as a ward of the state, we may be able to offer more financial support.

You have been enrolled in the leadership course, with electives in engineering and linguistics.

I have also made sure your concerns about your medical information have been met. Your assigned doctor and I are the only staff who have accessed your file, and it has been triple encrypted to prevent hacking. You have also been assigned a room with an en-suite shower, so there is less chance of your soulmark being viewed by your peers.

I hope you will be very successful in your time at Starfleet, and am excited to see you fulfill your potential.

Yours,

C. Pike

(Head of Cadet relations, former Captain of USS Enterprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I'm so obsessed with world building lads  
> xx


	6. brilliance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? Two updates in a week?

**LOGISTICS AND TECHNICAL AWARENESS SIMULATION #4 (aka. The O-ren Ishii sim)**

Dear Cadets, 

Your simulation #4 teams have been assigned. As you are aware, this simulation is graded on the ability to infiltrate a tightly-knit group, tactically solve a series of difficult mechanical problems, and overall diffuse tense situations.

You will be assessed as a team, and for that reason, your team-working skills will also be continuously observed and marked.

This is the longest simulation offered at Starfleet academy- lasting a fortnight in total. It is also very easy to fail, only having a 17% success rate. Once you have entered the holographic simulation you will not be able to leave until either everyone in your group decides to leave, or an action during the sim leads to unequivocal failure. You cannot be killed during a sim, but minor injuries are possible- your medic will be primarily tested on their ability to handle these problems as they arise.

The simulation itself is going to be based loosely on 21st-century American culture, and, as one final hint, I would recommend you research the name given to this simulation by previous cadets.

Your team consists of:

1st- James Kirk- Leadership/ Mechanics

2nd- Nyota Uhura- Xenolinguistics/ Sociology

3rd- S'chn T'gai Spock- Science/ Mechanics/ Xenolinguistics

4th- Gaila. O- Mechanics/ Computing

5th- Hikaru Sulu- Navigation/ Botany

6th- Leonard McCoy- Medicine

Next to your name is the subject block each cadet has been taking, and you are in order of assumed ranking within this simulation. 

I hope to see you all at the shuttle this Friday at 7 am. You are permitted to take one small bag of luggage containing clothes for two days you will be out of the simulated environment, as you will be provided with era-appropriate items for the actual sim. You will also be provided food appropriate to your individual requirements but will have to provide your own toiletries/ personal items.

Thank you,

Professor. J

(Interplanetary relations)

* * *

  
  


 

“Is this a joke?”

 

“What?” 

 

“This!” The man said indignantly, holding up the letter on his pad, “I’m the last in ranking outta all you bozos?”

 

Jim snorted from his position on the light-blue couch, where he was absently flicking through the latest edition of space vogue. “Guess someone didn’t like your essay last month disproving her thesis.”

 

Bones huffed in agreement and sat down to sulk on his bed. 

 

“Do you know anything about any of the others in our sim?”

 

“Nah” came Jim Kirks absent response, which was a lie.

 

He knew a lot about the others in their sim. The minute they had been sent the list of cadets (last night, 02:37 am) he had researched them all within an inch of his life. From allergies to love-lives to basic family history- Jim knew it all. 

 

He hadn’t even had to hack for the information. It was all out there, plain and simple for all to see.

 

Well, apart from S'chn T'gai Spock. But that was probably to be expected; Vulcan’s aren’t the biggest fans of oversharing after all. Jim had found a tiny bit about how his father was kinda a big deal and how S'chn T'gai Spock was half human, but most of that was public knowledge anyway.

 

He was just going to have to be a mystery.

 

Jim wasn’t trying to be a creep (but god knows he felt like one when he read that oddly personal engagement announcement from Hikaru Sulu), but instead get to know his team. He had been put in that massive position of responsibility, and he was not going to let anyone down. They were going to pass that sim, and if knowing his team could help even a little bit, he was damn sure going to do it.

 

“That Nyota girl went out with Kevin last year I think” Jim responded, finally thinking of something innocent to say.

 

“That doesn’t narrow it down much; who didn’t go out with Kevin last year?” Bones said, his seemingly sore mood lifting rapidly.

 

“Hey! Leave Kevin alone!” Jim laughed as he threw space vogue at Bones' head. He was bored of it anyway- too many ads.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Spock was halfway through attempting to cook the so-called American delicacy of “mac-n-cheese” with mixed-roast vegetables when his pad binged. 

 

He quickly looked over the message and found himself quite pleased with the fortune of his group placing. His human counterparts had been rubbing up on him, ruffling him into expressing some particularly peculiar emotions; ‘pleased’ seems to be a new addition to his collection.

 

Nyota would be in his group, along with her roommate. Spock found them both likeable and somehow appeared to be spending most of his free time with Nyota these days. Hikaru Sulu was in his science courses last year, and he appeared friendly enough. Spock had observed him at lots of social gatherings, and his plants often made the cadet magazines. He had even grown a Maligaya Vine snapper!

 

He’d had never met James Kirk or Leonard McCoy, but he had heard about them. Nyota had told him about how annoying James was, which she said was made worse by how clever he was. Spock had seen him from afar at some of the larger, more obligatory social gatherings, and he seemed nice enough. A little drunk maybe.

 

All in all, his sim group seemed to be a good match, and he was interested to experience this new kind of human society.

 

He had even been researching classical American culture. Similar to Vulcan culture, they had gone through many bizarre social phases, including, just to name a few of Spock’s favourites: line dancing, crime fiction, gameboys, and hairspray. Surprisingly, many of the fashion trends were pretty similar to some sub-cultures on Vulcan. The metallic minimalism of the 2000s was even still pretty popular!

 

Spock looked around his small room, as content as he allowed himself to be. He really was succeeding in Starfleet, having come first in all his elective courses last year, and passing all his previous sims. He had even been approached about making a new, smaller scale sim for next year.

 

Often he spoke to his mother about life on earth, and she was always excited to hear about his newest experiences. She had been particularly happy when he told her about Nyota and Galia taking him out to various bars in the campus, although had been relatively quick to shut him down when he started talking about Hugo, the tall xenolinguistics and history student he had dated for about a month last year. Apparently, telling your mother about your sex life was frowned upon in human culture.

 

Soon he would be able to join an actual ship, and begin exploring the universe. 

 

And, if all went well, he would find his soulmate along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!


	7. luminescence

Briefing for JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK (acting CAPTAIN.)

Upon opening this letter your simulation has begun. Do not read this letter aloud. You are at liberty to divulge as much of this information as you wish to those on your team.

INTEL:

  * You are in LONDON, UK 13/12/2017. 
  * Among your group’s possessions is the key to an apartment in WALTHAMSTOW. 
  * In THREE DAYS you will use the aeroplane tickets in your possession to travel to WASHINGTON DC, in the USA. 
  * While there you will be tasked with infiltrating and taking down a girl-gang notorious for major crime and flashy lifestyles, commonly referred to as ‘the Sisterhood’. 
  * They are known to interact with men ONLY in a business capacity.
  * You have been given $1,000 and £1,000 in 21st-century money. This is for all food, travel (outside aeroplane tickets), medical supplies, and other necessities.
  * Within the simulation, you will be purposely placed in difficult situations. You will be marked partially on your ability to work as a TEAM.



As acting captain, you are in charge of all those in your team. You will be marked mostly on leadership skills and diplomacy. If you believe any members of your team are not mentally or physically strong enough for the pressures of the simulation it is your responsibility to have them removed.

Best of luck,

STARFLEET ACADEMY.

 

* * *

 

Jim, Bones, and Sulu had been sitting in the simulation waiting area for around half an hour when the first members of their team arrived. Nyota, in her 21st-century black winter coat, earmuffs, and baggy jeans looked remarkably different to her usual fashionable self. She had even, somehow, managed to procure herself a pair of dark leather winter boots.

 

Gaila was covering as much of her green-tinted body as possible, to limit the amount of skin she would have to transform using the masking watch she was to be provided with. Her skirt was long and navy-ish, embroidered with some very dainty white flowers. Jim remembered it from one of his drama performances last year when he had played the ugly-stepsister alongside Bones.

 

That really was a wild bet gone wrong.

 

The boys, in comparison, were positively boring. Blue jeans, white shirts, and a couple of jumpers. Next to the girls, Jim felt like he had half stumbled onto a Space Vogue vintage fashion show, and that feeling doubled when he saw the tall Vulcan stalking towards the group. This, Jim thought, must be S'chn T'gai Spock.

 

His hair was obscured by a dark blue bobble hat, complete with a grey pom-pom that he seemed to be fiddling with self-consciously, a green tint rising into his cheeks against a splattering of dark freckles. He was wearing a dark ensemble of a winter parka and jeans, awkwardly fluttering his hands, seeming unaware of how to move.

 

Jim felt the colour in his own cheeks rising, as he stood to address him.

 

“Hello, S'chn T'gai Spock, I’m James or Jim, and I’m going to be the acting captain on this simulation.”

 

“I know” he replied, pausing slightly “not many humans are able to pronounce my name correctly first try. I am impressed, though in the future you should feel free to address me purely as Spock.”

 

Jim, feeling a little smug, laughed before revealing he had practised nearly all morning, to Bones' delight. 

 

As the group had travelled up separately, this was the first time most of them had met, and they were about to enter the simulation in just two hours. Jim was buzzing with excitement but also trying to seem calm and collected in front of his ‘crew’. Currently, the group was awkwardly trying to get to know each other. In human culture, it was fairly normal to show your soulmate marks to new friends, even strangers. Sulu was proudly showing his, a delicate mess of colours prettily blending together. He had a stained swirl of pink in his inner elbow, that appeared the day he and Ben got engaged. 

 

Jim himself kept his mark covered, due to the green scarring down his veins. It didn’t matter much, most people were fine if you chose not to show yours. Nyota gave him a strong, steady look. Jim suspected that she was a little surprised there was anything he wasn’t bold or upfront about.

 

Of course, it was rude to expect Spock to show his. Vulcan soulmarks were very private, and it was incredibly taboo to show them to strangers.

 

Still, Jim could see vibrant, snake-like colours blending together in the veins in his wrist, trawling yellow and orange, for happiness and curiosity.

 

It gave him a small jolt, to see something so bizarrely human on his alien skin, blending into his vintage attire. Jim rubbed his own mark beneath his clothes, smiling slightly. Something about seeing other people’s marks left him warm with hope.

 

Nyota’s mark was a pretty floral pattern, yellow, delicate flowers twisting and growing around her forearm. The way her mark twisted and moved, kind and sweet, was oddly touching. Gaila’s mark was large and sprawling, reaching far from just her forearm into her upper arm and shoulder. The geometric triangles flirted with one another, changing from colour to colour swiftly and happily.

 

Jim had seen Bone’s mark many times while at the academy. It was usually pale and consisted of dots flashing quickly around his forearm, until all of a sudden an aggressive burst of colour would flower into life. His was incredibly captivating to look at, and most of the team enjoyed the slightly juvenile activity of poking and prodding his mark.

 

Soon, they were lead down the corridors of the centre to their hologram-based-simulation room. Over the two weeks, the simulation would be paused every three days for one hour of hygiene maintenance, and half-an-hour was allotted per day for any bathroom breaks. While in the simulation, all the participants would be hooked up to an IV containing all the vital nutrients, and placed in separate, sterile environments. Cathodes attached to their bodies would stimulate pain, and they would be placed in a comatose state during the simulation.

 

Jim rolled up his sleeve and waited for the nurse to insert his IV and give him a few final hypos before being put under. He saw her half-look at the green-stained veins and training herself to look away. Jim appreciated the lack of complete staring he was used to.

 

He drank the milky liquid she gave him cheerfully, and allowed himself to slip under and into a new state.

  
  


* * *

  
  


London was, for want of a better word, bizarre.

 

The team had only been there half-an-hour when Spock observed the first piece of “abnormal” behaviour of their trip.

 

A young scruffy boy, in what seemed to be a classical blue ‘school uniform’ shouted out at the girls, asking them to ‘smile’ among calling them obscene words that had fallen out of fashion in most civilized areas of the universe. 

 

His hair, that was an odd experiment of a bob, was ruffled by a taller boy behind them, grinning creepily down at the team.

 

James, the captain, had to physically restrain Gaila before leading the group on. He explained to the still surprised group that he had read about this behaviour in his 20th to 22nd-century textbook, and that it was usually harmless and generally accepted. Still, he decided that they should go recuperate and begin going through their intel over breakfast.

 

As they walked into a small, glowing cafe they sat along a long table. James, who asked Spock to call him Jim, told the group the details of their assignment. Over the next few days in London, Spock was inquisitive at the thought of researching girl gangs and classic America the old-fashioned way- a library. Jim told him of the glorious British Library. Walls and walls lined with old ancient books, like you saw in period drama pieces on FNN. 

 

Spock, greeted with a plate of avocado toast and earth tea (pomegranate and hibiscus), allowed himself to properly observe his other teammates for the first time. Everyone was talking normally, and Spock, like normal, found himself on the edge.

 

He didn’t mind- conversations about distinctly human problems like fragile flings outside of soulmate-hood, or cultural traditions like Thanksgiving didn’t interest him in the slightest.

 

His eyes flitted over to Jim, his simulation captain. He was the only one of the group who hadn’t show his soulmate mark earlier- a strange habit common in most humans. Spock wouldn’t describe himself as curious; something far too human for his liking, but he couldn’t help himself from wondering what explosion of colours was sitting under his clothes. 

 

He felt himself flush slightly, and wriggled slightly in his seat. How a thought so indecent could have been allowed to cross his mind startled him back to reality.

 

He chewed his toast.

 

“So Spock, tell me, do they have girl gangs on Vulcan?” Jim asked suddenly, his eyes moving to reach Spock’s over his coffee.

 

Sulu laughed. “Girl gangs? On Vulcan?”

 

“Yes, actually. In classical Vulcan culture, women were renowned and respected greatly for their skills in battle. During our waring periods, the female battalions were considered the most ferocious, and powerful. Also, my ex-bondmate started a girl group to campaign for empowerment and equality in Vulcan society. I do not know if that is the form of girl gang you meant.” Spock felt himself trailing off as the groups eyes all turned to his quickly.

 

“You were bonded?”

 

“Almost. We were young. It was to be expected for young Vulcans who’s soulmates are not immediately obvious. She found her soulmate and decided to pursue that direction of interest. We remain friends, you may know her as T’Pring, a sociologist for the soulmate company”

 

“I’m not trying to be rude, but, well, isn’t…. Isn’t it weird to talk about bonding? I thought Vulcans were meant to be private about that?” Gaila asked him.

 

“Yeah! It took you two years to tell me about T’Pring before!” Nyota laughed.

 

“Well, it never came up.” Spock somehow felt himself get warmer around the collar “I read a book about good teamwork, and it suggested sharing personal stories. I thought I should try it.”

 

“Oh… Well, thank you! We are marked mostly on teamwork after all.” 

 

Jim smiled at him, and Spock felt rough and uncomfortable again. He squirmed a little into his chair.

 

“I’ve never been engaged, well, if you don’t count that incident in Vegas three years go”

 

And then he felt a heat in his upper arm.

 

And everything clicked into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> I've been busy and this is the best I could do with only an hour and a half.  
> Hope it's alright!! I haven't proofread it yet...  
> See you (soonish), Fran.


	8. beam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i dropped of the face of this earth lmao

**The Sisterhood**

The Sisterhood is the largest, most infamous girl gang in the entirety of North America. They make their money through the smuggling of class A drugs, and through several highly publicized blackmailing cases. Their blackmailing victims include the Governors of 17 states and multiple celebrities. All victims targeted by the Sisterhood are guilty of breaking one of the Sisterhood’s so-called laws; such as domestic abuse, child abuse, or sexual assault. This has led to them being likened to a vigilante group, they themselves arguing that they are helping to create a more equal society. However, it is hard to ignore the extremely destructive nature of the class A drugs they distribute, and the terrible effect it can have on the most vulnerable members of our society.

As a group, they are unique in their complete lack of male members. Relationships between the members of the gang and with men are strictly forbidden by their Kingpin- a woman who goes by the alias ‘Goldilocks’, after her trademark blonde hair. Other notable members of the gang include ‘Buttercup’ (Monica Jackson-Hearts), who is well known for the kidnapping of Mr J. Rightsworth (corrupt lawyer), and ‘Gogo’ (Saki Ishida), known for her work as a hitman and bodyguard to Goldilocks.

There are over 300 members of the group throughout North America, and at least 7 smaller girl-gangs strongly affiliated with them. They are notorious for their extreme wealth- having supposedly bought out the entirety of the New York Police department (whilst also somehow finding a way to silence those who would not be bought). Their flashy lifestyles have led to them becoming almost minor celebrities in American culture, due to their numerous safe houses across the globe, and many material goods like sports cars, yachts, and exclusive technology. 

Furthermore, this wealth has meant that the group is able to afford a group of powerful lawyers. This means that over the nine years the Sisterhood has been active, only 14 members of the group have been jailed, despite 117 being arrested over this time period.

 

* * *

  
  


“They bought out the whole NYPD?” Bones hissed.

“How are we going to get them to trust us in less than a week?” Uhura asked simultaneously.

They were sitting together on a computer desk at the British Library. Spock had almost wandered off multiple times, having moments with seemingly every book he passed. He had found numerous volumes on criminology, and was now reading whilst sitting primly in a soft leather chair a few meters away from the group. It might have been Jim’s imagination, but it felt like the Vulcan was looking at him when he was turned to Sulu’s computer, his eyes hot on his back.

“I think the most obvious first step is for us to establish ourselves as possible allies. We need them to think we are criminals too so they can trust us.” Sulu said while attempting to navigate the clunky computer system.

Over the next couple of hours, they formulated a clear plan. Uhura and Gaila would do the brute work- attempting to infiltrate the group as a couple of scrappy, small-time career criminals, while the Bones and James would play a field medic and hacker- and boyfriends. This was to pose them as non-threatening to the Sisterhood, and to help set up their group dynamics as a small time gang. The idea was that they would offer to smuggle them drugs from Europe in return for their protection, and over the week somehow find incriminating evidence to leak to the FBI. Sulu and Spock would work behind the scenes as the real hackers and intel, hopefully keeping them all afloat.

As they worked on planning disguises and researching American culture, Jim realised it had gotten dark outside. He checked his old-fashioned digital watch and found that it was 6 pm. Weird. 

They had been working all day, and he hadn’t even noticed. The group piled out of the library- Spock looking almost wistful to be parted from his books- and they bee-lined to the local supermarket. ‘Tescos’ was neon-lit and both familiar and bizarre. Jim noticed Spock was keeping his distance, busying himself among the sweet potatoes and individually plastic wrapped carrots. Maybe this was how all Vulcan’s acted around new people? Jim had to suppress a chuckle as the man accidentally dropped an onion and without a beat dropped to pick it up, his bobble hat wobbling in the process.

Their choices were quite limited, and the only one of the group who actually knew how to cook ended up being Spock. Turns out he had been revising earthen culture before the simulation started, and had learnt many vegetarian dishes. Gailia could only cook Orion foods, and laughed at the pathetic selection the 21st-century shops provided, while Bones frankly only knew how to poorly fry chicken- something that was vetoed in order to provide for their Vulcan team-mate.

With the ingredients for vegetable stir fry, a box of cheerios, and a bottle of brandy tucked safely into a plastic bag they left giddily to catch a train to their home. They winded along the cold streets, breath misty in the winter’s night air. They chatted softly into the crisp night- Sulu pointing out his fiance’s favourite plants in the hedgerows, and Gaila moaning about how annoying it was to be away from her soulmate for two whole weeks.

It was warm inside their flat. Yellow and cream walls were matched with white fabric furniture and simple wood kitchen islands. There were two bedrooms, one for the boys and one for the girls, and as Spock began to delicately chop and weigh ingredients they all hovered around on the sofa watching him.

Jim’s mark was throbbing. He assumed it was the apprehension of his first taste of captaincy. After all this time, what happens if he's not even be very good- what if he let Captain Pike down? His dad?

He pushed that out of his mind for now. He had to focus. And for now, he would focus on the way Spock’s eyes light up as he served the meals, and how his lips tugged as they all complimented him.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Spock was thirteen when he found yet another thing that set him apart from his peers.

He was at home studying a human clothing catalogue for xenological studies when he came across the swimwear section.

His ears had never heated up so quickly. How, he wondered, did humans feel comfortable wearing so little in public? He could see that mans nipples, muscles, hip bones-

A warm, strange feeling settled in his gut. He gulped down hard as his face turned green, and he found himself trying (and failing) to control these new thoughts flooding through his brain. 

A nudge was felt through his platonic bond with T’Pring as she asked why he had shielded his thoughts so abruptly from her. Spock was too overwhelmed to answer.

Vulcan’s experienced same-sex attraction, but it was very rare to experience purely attraction to your own sex- let alone bond romantically with them. It was unlogical to form a relationship that could not result in what Vulcan high society considered fulfilment- a child.

Over the next few years, it became something that was both confusing and mildly disappointing. His classmates and peers were getting bonded to their soulmates, while Spock was left alone, gay, with a soulmate across the galaxy.

It was something he was ashamed of. 

Until he found his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all?? I kinda forgot this existed and had a bit of a rough few months so this is... it? I hope to update at some point this year but maybe don't get your hopes up... This is just a fun little mindless hobby for me when I'm not too busy, and if I'm stressed its too much to try and pressure myself into an upload timetable  
> I love you guys!! <3


	9. Inferno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoy!!

 

**OMG!! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE ANNOUNCEMENT HOTTIE CAPTAIN JIM JUST MADE!!**

By Jamie Jackson, gossip columnist for Star-Crossed News

 

Jim Kirk, everyone’s favourite hunk of a Starfleet captain, has just posted the wildest Galactogram photo you have ever seen! Cover your eyes singles, this might sting! 

 

The captain posted a photo of two golden wedding rings on his private Galactogram, which was leaked to the press by an unidentified source last night. The caption read ‘Feel so lucky, thank you to @N.uhura and everyone else who helped me get the guts to propose!’. The captain was unavailable to comment- but one thing seems clear.

 

James Kirk is no longer on the market.

 

I know, heartbreaking. I for one have had our wedding planned out ever since I saw his beautiful face on FNN as the  youngest Starfleet captain ever.

 

But whatever! At least we know our glorious captain has found love at last! Those  leaked photos of him naked with multiple girls in his late teens and early twenties made the whole world gasp last year, but it seems that the man has finally settled down with a lovely lady.

 

Star-Crossed News extends our congratulations (even if they are tinged with regret!) to the couple and the lucky girl.

* * *

 

Jim Kirk felt the cold metal of a knife against his throat. 

It wasn’t the first time he had been threatened, and he had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last.

The girl at the other end of the knife, Gogo, was about a foot shorter than Jim. Her dark hair was loosely curled to her waist, where the belt of her black jeans held another plain knife. 

Her small wrists were steady and strong as she held Jim still. A clunky golden watch decorated her arm, and contrasted strangely against her pedestrian clothes.

“Who are you really?” she hissed into his face, spittle landing on his stubbled chin.

“Easy, Gogo” a blonde woman reclining in a chair nearby said, “no need to kill the help. At least, not yet.”

Her grip on the knife faltered slightly, before she pulled it away completely. 

“Don’t think this means you’re safe.” 

Gogo pulled out a chair next to the blonde woman on the restaurant table. She sat uncomfortably, maintaining eye-contact with Jim as he rubbed the thin red line on his neck. As he stood against the wooden wall with his hands tightly bound, he looked around the room carefully. He had been directed to the main room to act as insurance while Bones, Uhura, and Gaila went through the back door to discuss business. The restaurant itself was a drug front for the Sisterhood, but was still functional as a place to eat, and as such the waitresses and cleaners were dutifully ignoring them as they silently mopped the floors and cleaned the bar surfaces.

The blonde woman was watching him also, eyebrows delicately knotted. She had her legs crossed, with her pink skirt prettily laid to cover her to her knees.

A white handgun was almost completely invisible in her waistband.

In any other situation, Jim would have been tripping over himself to flirt with her, but with the small woman next to her angrily staring into his head, and the lie that he was in a relationship with Bones, he decided against it.

“Do you know when they’ll be done?”

Gogo sprung to her feet. “How dare you address us without being spoken to first? Do you wanna leave here with your neck or not, you motherfu-”

“Lay off it Gogo! Jesus; do you ever calm down? He’s probably just worried about his boyfriend, and they’ve all been a really long time. Why don’t you go check up on them?”

Gogo turned red. “Do you want to get off your high horse for two shitting minutes Butter? Just because you’re fucking horny for dick ever since Goldy told you to stop screwing Drew doesn’t mean you have to suck up to the first decent looking man you see”

“Ha yes ‘cause that's real goddam mature, isn’t it? You’re just jealous I have the fucking balls to go for what I want instead of hiding behind some bullshit tough girl ac-”

A punch connected with the blonde girl’s nose.

Jim didn’t know what to do. The waitresses and cleaners looked up as they heard the sound, stopping momentarily before restarting their work. After the blonde woman got her bearings she swung her elbow around to connect with Gogo’s neck, as Gogo brought her knee up to crunch into her ribs.

Jim awkwardly hovered against the wall. He heard Sulu confusedly blabbering into his earpiece about how this was definitely  _ not _ part of the plan, as Spock explained in his logical, matter-of-fact way the different incidents through which Gogo’s anger was extensively documented.

As Gogo moved to swing once more, ducking quickly to avoid another elbow, a loud and piercing whistle burst through the room.

Everything stopped. The workers put down their cleaning materials and left the room, and Gogo and the other woman stood still, straightening out of their hunched fighting poses. Blood dribbled down the taller woman’s nose and onto her white shirt, as Gogo’s breathing became wheezy and uneven from the impact on her neck.

The back doors burst open, and the sound of footsteps against linoleum floor got louder and louder until a tall blonde woman rounded the corner. Goldilocks.

“Now, now girls. This is no way to behave in front of guests.”

Jim felt compelled to say that binding someone’s wrists was also an unorthodox way to great guests, but felt that might be slightly confrontational.

Goldilocks was wearing a simple white sundress and sandals. A handgun was holstered in a white belt, and the outline of a knife could be seen around her thigh area, juxtaposing to her soft, young face and gentle glossy curls.

Uhura stared coldly into the scene. She had a surprisingly good poker face, especially compared to Bones’ barely hidden shock at the image of the girls scrapping.

“Uhura. I trust you can inform your other men of the agreed offer. I will speak to you tomorrow after I sort my girls out.”

Bones and Jim made eye contact and attempted to move closer together, before Goldilocks put up her hand to stop them.

“I don’t think so, do you?” The tension was thick as everyone stood stiffly, staring at the ground. 

Uhura didn’t seem phased “Ma'am, I would be happy to. Am I free to take my man back?”

“No. I will keep him as a show of goodwill. I’m sure you understand.”

Their eye contact was strong and full of unspoken words. A strange, almost growling noise was heard from Jim’s earpiece.

“Yes, but I am fond of him, and would be grateful if he experienced no great harm under your care.”

Goldilocks narrowed her eyes before nodding.

Uhura cooly turned to march out of the room, Gaila and Bones moving to follow her. Bones looked back over his shoulder to look at Jim one last time before he left, before matching pace with the girls.

The fear rising in Jim’s stomach caused his mark to burn. 

He was alone.

 

* * *

 

Spock tried to remain calm as the fear bubbled in his throat. A small few growls leaked out as he felt the nerves travel up his throat, but he managed to keep it together.

His soulmate was in danger, yes, but this was a hologram. It was fake. James could be injured, but nothing serious or life-threatening would happen to him, especially not only overnight. The earpiece they were using was far too advanced for the Sisterhood to be able to find anything, so they would be able to maintain contact with James. 

It didn’t stop Spock from feeling sick as his mark turned green and caused jolts of pain up his arm. Sulu noticed him gently massaging the skin on his forearm to ease the pain, and thought it was an oddly human motion for such a controlled Vulcan. 

“Are you okay? You know Jim is going to be fine, right? We have eyes on him; and a Starfleet earpiece.” Sulu said, nervously playing with the laptop computer program to try and zoom in on Jim’s face.

“I am aware of the specifics of the situation Mr Sulu, but I do find unlogical comfort in your words.” He turned to look at Sulu, and made a quick assessment. “I am 99.2% sure that James Kirk is my soulmate.”

A small strangled noise escaped Hikaru’s lips, and his eyes widened suddenly.

“That’s… wonderful! You know I’m bonded, right? After all this we should look into double dating. My husband’s a botanical engineer, and I’m so sure you’d get along well!”

Spock felt himself warming.

As they went to sleep that night, Hikaru kept on sending him sneaky smirks as they talked about their plans for the next day. It felt… strange to be so open. One of the limitations of his Vulcan upbringing was that he didn’t have the same emotional intelligence as his human peers, and often couldn’t really understand what he was feeling. Fear, mostly for his soulmate, but excitement also for having found him.

Happiness, perhaps, for finding a homosexual friend. He had had boyfriends while on earth, and even a few fairly casual relationships, but never a platonic queer friend. On Vulcan, he was shunned for his lack of a female partner, and even his friends (who tried so hard to support him) didn’t really get it. 

And as these emotions swirled- he decided to do the one thing that grounded him. 

He spoke to his soulmate- Jim- through his mark. It was weird to put a name to the mark, as he talked about the events of the day and imagined them appearing on the man’s tanned arm.

As he drifted off he projected his new favourite words and imagined them swirling and swirling all the way up to his soulmate’s shoulder.

James Tiberius Kirk.

Jim.

Captain.

He knew he would never get tired of that name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And she's back!  
> Hi guys. Well, were nearly a year behind in canon. Maybe we can catch up for next year?  
> I'm so stressed with school stuff so I used some of my scheduled downtime to finish this off (yes I schedule my downtime. Yes I know that's super sad.)  
> Also that bit about Spock being happy to finally have a queer friend... well that might be based around my own experiences sorry not sorry  
> thanks for waiting so long for an update!!!!!  
> Love you guys a lot,  
> feel free to talk to me on tumblr (seriesofdumbmistakes) okay night guys!! hope you are all doing well :)))


	10. Chapter 10

[TRANSCRIPT OF JAMES. T. KIRK STYLE MAGAZINE INTERVIEW]

[for more audio/visual transcripts visit starfleet.access.com]

 

[A brunette woman enters the screen; Amina Jons-Hart. She is wearing a knee-length navy dress, with white floral embroidery detailing around a delicate collar. She is standing outside a tall, white brick building in a city.]

 

**AJH:** Hello, and welcome back to Style magazine’s Autumn interviews. Today we will be interviewing everyone’s favourite Starfleet captain- James Tiberius Kirk- about his status as a fashion icon, his career as Starfleet captain, and his future. We will be meeting at his San Francisco apartment, that he shares with his first captain while on Earth shore leave. Well! Guess I’ll see you there!

 

[Drone shots of the San Francisco skyline fill the screen. A shot of a sunset reflecting into San Francisco Bay over the Golden Gate bridge turns into a shot of Amina standing outside an apartment door. She smiles at the camera, stunning white teeth, before knocking on the door. James T Kirk, wearing a white shirt, grey blazer and jeans, opens the door. His hair is scruffy, and he has gentle stubble. James is taller than Amina, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and gently tanned skin.]

 

**AJH:** Hello! 

 

**JTK:** Good morning! How are you? [He smiles]

 

**AJH:** I’m really good! Thank you so much for letting me interview you!

 

**JTK:** It seems like forever since we last spoke! You were just a scrappy journalism and photography major when I left earth. How’s it been going?

 

**AJH:** Ha, well I graduated Starfleet a couple years ago, and now I’m part of their PR department. I do a lot of photography on different planets for Starfleet, but I also work for Style Magazine as a journalist. So, yeah I have my work cut out!

 

[They both laugh, Kirk smiling gently at Amina]

 

[He gestures for them to both enter his apartment. The camera follows, taking in a spotless open-plan apartment. The colour scheme of the main room is white and grey, with yellow and blue highlights in the form of kitchenware, sofa cushions, and lighting. On the walls, there are silver photo frames containing photos of James and his first mate- Spock- on Vulcan, and pictures of all his team standing at the helm of the Starship Enterprise. His curtains open onto the floor to ceiling windows spanning the whole side of the apartment, overlooking the city and allowing a flood of natural sunlight into the room. On his marble kitchen counter a plate of blueberry muffins sits on a blue platter]

 

**AJH:** So, James, you’re halfway through your 5-year mission, and back for a month’s shore leave. What’s it like being back on Earth? 

 

**JTK:** Ha, it’s strange. You wouldn’t believe how much a place can change in only a couple years. I’m lucky that me and Spock own such a nice apartment though- there’s always something waiting for us when we get home.

 

**AJH:** So you still consider Earth your home? After so much time in space?

 

[Jim grins and sits on the grey sofa, while Amina sits on a white loveseat facing him.]

 

**JTK:** Earth will always be my home! Especially in this place. It may sound stupid, but I’ve had so many houses to live in throughout my life, but this is the first place I’ve ever really… owned? And felt no pressure to perform or be in control. [he laughs] sometimes it's nice to just do nothing all day you know? Can’t do that on a starship.

 

**AJH:** So your fiance doesn’t get jealous with you living in such close quarters with your first mate, even when you’re on Earth?

 

[they both laugh]

 

**JTK:** Nope, no jealousy between us! It’s going great, I really love them and I’m very excited about the wedding.

 

**AJH:** Any details you could give me and the viewers?

 

**JTK:** Uh… well, it’s going to be a spring wedding- next April. My future mother-in-law insisted! We’re going to my partner’s hometown to get married, and it’s actually pretty hot in April usually. Oh! And Bones is going to be my best man.

 

**AJH:** Not your first mate?

 

**JTK:** Oh, no. He’s got something else going on that day.

 

**AJH:** Ah, that’s a shame. What about what you’ll be wearing, any ideas on that? You have become very well known for your fashion sense, even being the focus of many space vogue fashion shoots.

 

**JTK:** Ah, well, since it’s going to be springtime we’re thinking of a pastel theme. At the moment, pastel blue is strongly on the table, and my to-be mother-in-law, who’s pretty damn excited about this wedding, has been in talks with a couple designers to firm up the actual design. As a Starfleet captain, I don’t really have a lot of spare time to talk wedding cake flavours or bouquet arrangements, so it’s pretty nice to have people willing to do a lot of the grunt work for you.

 

**AJH:** I think the real question on a lot of my viewer's lips, well, besides the lucky lady’s identity, is about what she’ll be wearing on the day. Any hints on the dress? As such a fashion icon, you must realise how influential your fiance is going to be in trend-setting the weddings of this generation.

 

**JTK:** You know? My partner's been pretty secretive about that. Sure they’ll look stunning whatever though. [he grins and flushes slightly] Would you like a muffin? My fiance baked them.

 

**AJH:** Oh? So did we just miss her?

 

**JTK** : Ha, yes, they’d literally just left when you got here. 

 

[He gets up and brings back three blueberry muffins. James gives one to Amina, and one to the cameraman, before sitting back down with his own. Amina takes the case off and takes a bite.]

 

**AJH:** Wow! These are great! Is she a chef?

 

**JTK:** That would be telling [He smirks]

 

**AJH:** Ha, you caught me. I also wanted to ask you about your recent announcement that you wished all wedding presents to be donations to the San Francisco based charity, Heart Aid. Would you be able to tell us why you chose this charity in particular?

 

[James shuffles slightly in his chair.]

 

**JTK:** If I’m honest, they were a charity that really helped me as a young adult. I moved out here from a social care setting in an Iowan small town, and it was a bit overwhelming to be alone in such a big new city. Because I had to work all the time to support myself through school, I found it hard to make friends and found myself increasingly isolated. I… I fell into some hard times, partially through my new situation, and partly through… childhood traumas (James Tiberius Kirk was among the survivors of the horrific Tarsus IV massacre). I was depressed, drinking way too much than I should have, staying out late, getting into fights, sleeping around just to, well, just to feel something. 

My depression left me so… empty, 'till the point that I felt completely nothing. A friend recommended me Heart Aid, and at the beginning, I was against it, but once I accepted it, they really helped. They offer free counselling to young people below the poverty line and helped me to get my drinking and self-destructive tendencies under control. They saved my life, and I wanted to give them the money to keep saving lives.

[he coughs] So, yeah that’s why we chose them.

 

**AJH:** Thank you for sharing… I’m really glad they were there for you. 

 

**JTK:** Me too! [he laughs] ha, sorry to be such a downer. We can go back to wedding talk or captain talk now if you want?

 

[they both laugh]

 

**AJH:** Okay, well how does it feel to be the youngest Starfleet captain ever?

 

**JTK:** Well, it’s a real big honour. I was sad I didn’t get longer to serve with Captain Pike, he was my mentor at the academy, but I think overall it’s been amazing. I have such an amazing team.

 

**AJH:** Talking about your team, how was Lieutenant Uhura and Montgomery Scott’s wedding last week? Your suit was stunning if I can add.

 

**JTK:** It was so lovely. They’ve known they were soulmates for years, but they’d never had the right amount of earth shore leave to have a decent wedding with all their family. It was a bit terrifying officiating [he laughs] hell, it was probably more scary than facing the Klingons last year. The suit was by Omar Azikiwe, who’s actually the same man who designed the new Starfleet uniforms

 

**AJH:** Really? Wow, I love those new uniforms. I think they have such a good balance of vintage and modern styles. Okay, well I’ve only got one main question left. Are you happy?

 

[He grins]

 

**JTK:** I’ve never been better.

 

* * *

 

Jim hated being alone. He also hated being hungry.

 

Both of them sent him back, back to the lonely nights where he was kept in solitary with no food. Not that having no food was abnormal for Tarsus IV, but it was still a shock having your only lifeline- a half-meal of boiled food- taken away.

 

He was trying to get to sleep on the floor of the restaurant's prep room, as he had been for the last two nights. Gogo, surprisingly, had been the only one of the women who had put the effort in to talk to Jim. It seemed once she had gotten over her blind hatred for him, she had begun to appreciate a bit of company as she packaged coke in the kitchen. She was angry to be given such stupid grunt work as punishment for fighting, while Buttercup only had to watch a couple hostages.

 

Jim said that he was pretty much a hostage, and she laughed.

 

“You think we’d be treating you so nice if you were a hostage? Nah, you’re an alright dude. Well, as alright as a man could be. You’re only here for insurance- we aren’t going to hurt you. Rowson Dilks on the other hand… well, let’s just say he had it coming.”

 

She hummed softly into the silence. “That Kingping of yours? Uhura? I like her. If things were to go good between our gangs I might consider jumping ships to y'all. It’s been a long time since I saw someone that pretty around here. Well, apart from Butter and Goldie, but their forbidden territory.”

 

She swished her long hair delicately as she took off her plastic coke-weighing gloves.

 

“How’d you know you were in love with that fella, Leonard was it? I’ve never seen people look at each other so sickeningly.”

 

Jim grunted. “I guess when you know you know.” He shuffled so he was leaning against the cold yellow-plastered wall, his hands still bound behind his back.

 

“Still, what did it feel like?”

 

Her eyes narrowed to stare at him.

 

“I guess…” A warm feeling swelled through him. “I guess I just felt- I felt so happy to make a friend, I was new in town at the time, and it kinda just grew from there.”

 

“When d’ya know you were gay?”

 

“Uh, bi actually, and around second grade. I guess I was lucky to figure it all so early.”

 

“Huh. It took me until I was 22.”

 

Jim turned from counting the tiles on the floor to look at her in the face. “Wow.”

 

“I know. Was at a fancy party trying to pull off the small pickpocket of a couple ruby rings when I had to kiss Gol-a girl to keep my cover. It was like everything clicked into place.”

 

“Did you- do you love her?”

 

Her previously laid-back posture straightened, and her eyes moved to stare at the wall.

 

“Why would you say that” She hissed, too angrily, covering up something they both knew to be true. “You don’t understand what you’re talking about”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 

“But you did.” She looked at him one more time- skin flushed- as she put the bricks of cocaine into their boxes and silently leaving the room.

 

The other nights she’d turned the light off before leaving, but tonight she left Jim to force himself off the cold concrete and turn them off himself with his nose. 

 

He could hear Spock breathing in his earpiece. Spock never spoke to him if he had company, because, despite what TV shows might tell you, it’s pretty damn hard to pay attention to two conversations at the same time.

 

“Captain, I believe we got some useful information through that exchange. We have now a better idea of the group dynamics and information as the where the drugs are stored in the store. I will store this in our file to leak to the police.”

 

“Thank you, Spock, I really appreciate your hard work. Don’t you ever go to sleep? It’s almost 2 am.”

 

“As a half-Vulcan, I do not require the same amount of sleep as humans. That means I volunteered to take the night shift.”

 

“But you took the day shift as well? Surely you need just a little downtime?” Jim laughed softly as he sat down again on the concrete.

 

“I- I feel illogical responsibility for maintaining your safety, sir.”

 

“Don’t call me sir. Or captain for that matter; just Jim. And anyway, you don’t need to worry too much about me. I can handle myself.”

 

“I have no doubt that you can, I’m simply being cautious. I apologise.”

 

“No, I like it! It’s very… sweet.”

 

A beat of silence filled the earpiece.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called ‘sweet’.” Another moment of silence spaced between them. “Jim.”

 

“Ha, well get used to it. I like you Spock, and I think sweet is a pretty good way to describe you.”

 

Jim could practically hear the blushing from here. It made him laugh slightly to think of that perfect man ruffled from such a simple adjective. 

 

“Thank you. I regret to inform you that I must go to sleep now, immediately. Goodnight sir.”

 

“It’s Jim!”

 

The line was dead.

 

* * *

 

God, Spock was a mess. Every time he spoke to Jim he turned green, and every time he thought about him or his body he felt his lower gut burning with desire.

 

The Vulcan way was to claim your soulmate the minute you knew who they were. To bond, after only a short period of courting to ensure compatibility of social groups and lifestyle.

 

It was not the Vulcan way to pine from afar and remain silent.

 

It’s just- what if the technology was wrong? He had never thought about it before, but now he saw his match it didn’t make sense that he would be bonded to someone so perfect. Spock was a half-breed. A science experiment.

 

Jim looked like an ancient Greek god.

 

Even worse- what if their bond was platonic? Spock didn’t think he could take the pain if he didn’t have a soulmate- if he didn’t have the chance to prove that his homosexuality wasn’t some kind of fault or lie- it was the way he was intended to be, and the way technology had read him.

 

And so Spock remained silent, only with Sulu’s occasional words of support that it would all end up fine.

 

Maybe he was right.

 

But maybe he was wrong.

 

He had never been so self-doubtful before. He suspected it had something to do with the emotions that finding his soulmate had awoken in him- emotions he had no idea what to call or what they meant. Meditation no longer held them back, as he felt- yes  _ felt _ \- his moods change swiftly and confusingly.

 

This was hard to rationalize. Logically, he realised his serotonin was up, so he was happy, but he had never experienced this level of excitement before.

 

This left him constantly dazed, unsure. This is where his self-doubting came from, but also linked to the primal fear he had had since a child.

 

The fear of being alone.

 

He spoke to him through the mark, with words full of doubts and new-found feelings. Looping letters filling his mind found their way across the space between them, calming and drowning out Spock’s insecurity.

 

As he slept he thought of Jim.

 

And the dream was full of yellow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dudes. I know this is a shock.   
> Basically, I had the dialogue bit already written, and a pretty strong idea for the world-building beforehand so it really didn't take me as long as usual.  
> I guess just take this as nothing more than a cute little extension of the last chapter and probably not the norm for update times.  
> Love you guys! see you soon.  
> Feel free to talk to me on Tumblr (seriesofdumbmistakes)


End file.
